Talkin' Guide

I have had enough. Enough of the piedmonters and hilltoppers and mountain toppers comin' east and pronoucing everything how they please. It's hard to get rougher than it does in the summer when so many out-of-staters come through on their way to the Banks. But the machismo of those fro Jersey is outmatched by the manly-men of the mid-state and their macho fishing and hunting schemes. Sure the bounty of the fish and game here is impressive...but it we pronounced Raleigh with the recklessness that they all pronounced Tyrrell, there'd be a referendum for sure. If you are from west of I-95, you should practice. One of the most daunting questions ever asked of me in my early days as an immigrant to the Outer Banks was "You ain't from 'round here, are ye?" My response was always "Nawsuh, I'm from Alabammer"...which, it turns out, gets a little more respect than if I had been from Raleigh - or worse Charlotte. I have no idea why...

Nevertheless, I have included a list of words and common places, along with a pronunciation guide that should help all of those living 100 feet above sea level to fit in when ordering at a restaurant, seeking directions, or asking about the nearest Wal-Mart. It's all in the brogue...

Common Places that are generally mis-pronounced:
Perquimans: Say "Purr-kwe-minz"
Tyrrell: Say "Turl"
Pasquotank: Say "PASS-kwo-tank"
Washington: Say "Little Washington"
Beaufort: Say "Bo-fert"
Chowan: Say "CHO-won"
Edenton: Say "EE-din-ten"
Martin: Say "MAH-ten"
Plymouth: Say "Pluh-muff"
County: Say "Cayn-tee"

Common words to practice:
Fish should be pronounced "Feesh"
Water should be pronounced "Wuh-der"
Dinner should be pronounced "Din-nuh"
Tide is pronounced "Toid"...and all long "I" sounds have a deep "oi" sound...

The following names are actual places or towns, not jokes, so don't seem uncertain when asking directions to:
Gull Rock, Nebraska, Frying Pan, Mashoes, Gum Neck, Swan Quarter, Chocowinity, Rocky Hock, Barco, Last Chance, Lowland, Germantown, Hobucken, Old Trap, and of course, Mattamuskeet.

On your way east, it might be helpful to get some mosquito repellant. Tick repellent is a good idea, too, as most of the mosquitoes are so big that when they land on you, a tick crawls off of the mosquito and on to your skin. Consider stopping by a Wal-Mart on your way, too. Once you're in the heart of the Inner Banks, starting at Plymouth, you're at least 30 minutes from a Wal-Mart, unless you live in Elizabeth City, Williamston, Washington, or Kitty Hawk. But the local gas stations generally carry the essentials such as bread, milk, batteries, and mosquito and tick repellent.

Wildlife to watch for when commuting - Red Wolves are easily identifiable by their beautiful satellite neck collar. Black bears are tough to spot at night, mainly because they are as dark as the night. Many a bear and compact auto have met it's maker by being in the road simultaneously. Also, alligators don't normally cross the roads, unless a good blow out of the north empties the creeks into the roads. October is the opossum mating season, so expect to see them cruising the center line looking for other opossums cruising the center line. And youll certainly see deer. Otters, nutria, skunkapes, and the occasional black cougar will also jaywalk in any remote corner of this state. Oh, and hunting dogs are also prevalent through December.

Be prepared for the wind, too. Once it starts blowing in October, it won't blow for long. Starting at sun-up, you can expect the wind to die down around mid-June. If you're driving on HWY 12 along the Outer Banks, the saltspray and sand can punish your face and car. The highway can even have mini-dunes, so be careful. If you decide to go for a swamp hike, leave the breadcrumbs at home...it's like ringing a dinner bell. Instead, tie a rope around your waist and connect it to your car, before hiking into the wilderness. And watch for snakes...they generally begin hibernating around Christmas before majestically re-emerging on New Year's Day.

A few more things: A boat ramp is called a "boat slide", crab trap is called a "crab pot", and the ocean, is always on the right...

Enjoy the day...