Eastern 4-H Center Field Trips and Summer Camp and additional ramblings: What to wear to a Holiday Party at the Eastern 4-H Center?

Holiday wardrobes are culturally important to Americans. Everyone who is anyone at your party will judge you based on what you do, say, and wear. With that being said, do not "wear" a garment, that "Says" or "Does" anything. I used to have a shirt (when I was 7) that would talk if you hugged me. It creeped out everyone, including me. I think my dad had a tie that talked or sang, and while cute only the very first time the garment is activated, everyone will hear it outside of the bathroom door when you accidentally engage the device.

Let's start with colors. Fall '09 colors that appeared on runways and racks across the world were earthy oranges, deep browns, and robust reds and blues - with metallic and chromatic options, too. Obviously, I didn't fall for any of this, as the color of my standard wardrobe tends to favor, khaki, khaki, and khaki - and maybe olive and brown. Nevertheless, my colors - or the runway colors will gain you any street cred at a holiday party near you. You absolutely must wear red and greens, and maybe genuine fake gold accoutrements. If you have a shirt with a screen-printed reindeer (with a small bell for the nose) - go ahead and just do it...this shirt is barely acceptable, but will get you a beatdown in July. Pants could match - I'm probably the only dude with a both green and red britches (deep in my closet), and when I get the chance to wear'em - I must do so. Belts are optional, since I am planning on looking stupid, yet festive. Some people even like to wear holiday scarves, but they are only relevant if they are in plaids, or if they are made of Santa's Beard. Speaking of Santa - if you are going to wear a Santa hat - make sure it is red - not multi-colored or green - and it has to have the fuzzy orb at the top - NO BELLS!

Now - the shape of your clothes is not that important, unless you try to use the clothing to accent your form. Generally - clothes should be frumpy. This will hide your midsection throughout the holiday gorging. Pants should be constricting in the waist, as this will also support the weight of that leftover turkey leg that you ate on the way to the Turkey Dinner. I also like thick sweaters because they also help to hide the shape of the cookies on your hips. Turtlenecks can also hide that triple chin you hope to gain throughout the feasting. Pants should should be "relaxed-fit", right? Plenty of room through the hips and thighs, and tapered below the knee, so that bottoms of the pants do not cover your elf shoes. And, if they are not tapered (say "bootcut), the snow on the ground cannot enter the tops of your shoes - which would prevent you from feeling the "seasonal" chill.

These are a couple of examples of Holiday-wear: 2 are perfect, 2 are entirely wrong...which category do you fall into?